


if a tree falls in a forest

by kbaycolt



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Cookies, Drabble, Drug Use, Fluff, Gen, Good Sibling Klaus Hargreeves, Philosophy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26148064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbaycolt/pseuds/kbaycolt
Summary: Klaus eats some cookies. Five has an existential crisis. Ben still manages to be surprised.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves
Comments: 8
Kudos: 129
Collections: Creatures and Gods and Magicals Fics





	if a tree falls in a forest

"He's moping again," Ben says, hanging upside down from the rooftop by his knees, upper body dangling over the alleyway. Klaus considers flicking his cigarette ashes through Ben, then decides against it.

"He's always moping," Klaus replies. He cradles his package of oreos to his chest, nibbling on the cookie part of one.

"More than usual."

Klaus looks to the left.

Lying flat on his back on the rooftop, Five has his arms crossed behind his head and one leg propped up on the other, staring blankly up at the dark nighttime sky. The city lights make it impossible to see the stars, so for all Klaus can tell, Five is gazing into the abyss. Which is a perfectly valid activity, considering the time. Past eleven, anything goes, and that's how Klaus likes it. Granted, once it hits six in the morning it's probably time to call it, but Klaus has never been fantastic at self management and pulled more than a few all-nighters in his time.

Exhaustion hangovers aren't even in the same ballpark as LSD hangovers, however they're probably similar in terms of detrimental long-term effects.

He's getting at least seven hours now. Almost every night, too. He would be proud of himself, but it's really only because Diego hunts him down and threatens him at knifepoint if he isn't laying down _somewhere_ by at least one.

It's rude, quite frankly, and hypocritical. Oh, when Diego flounces around the city in leather, bumping into strange men, he's fine, but when it's Klaus, it's suddenly reprehensible? He's calling bullshit.

"Klaus," Ben complains, drawing his name out in a whine. Once Ben learned that his brother will do almost anything for his ridiculous puppy eyes and the slightest pleading tone, it was over for Klaus.

" _Fine_." Klaus wiggles, shifting his body to pull himself out of the nook he'd crammed himself into earlier, stumbling a bit as he goes. He makes his way over to Five, who doesn't react when Klaus sprawls out next to him with a grunt. "Hey, buddy. What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking," Five says slowly, "that I couldn't see the moon. Out in the apocalypse."

Klaus looks up at the thin sliver of the moon in the sky. Sighing, Five closes his eyes. He accepts the cookie that Klaus sets on his forehead.

"Natural disaster, I decided. Must've been. I thought there was no way anybody with even half a brain would destroy the _moon_." His voice is quiet, but not soft. Never soft with anyone except Vanya. "So there were only stars. Ash covered them for most of my life, but those last few years... I could see them."

"What was it like?"

Five turns and looks at Klaus. His expression is unreadable. "Beautiful. Like a breath of fresh air after a lifetime in a dark cave. I got sick from exposure a couple times, sleeping on stable rooftops so I could see them. The moon never came back, though."

"That sucks," Klaus whispers, for lack of better words. Ben makes a groaning noise in the background.

Chuckling, Five replies, "That's one way to put it. I'm sure you can't even imagine."

And Klaus—he _can't_. Decades without the sky, it's unfathomable. But he thinks about the thick canopy of Vietnam, the choking ash and gunpowder. The terror that would strike him at the thought that he would die with the sky obscured from sight.

Well. It sucks.

They lapse into silence for a while. Ben gets up and starts pacing back and forth behind Klaus, his presence a moving shadow in the corner of his vision. At some point, Five tries to steal Klaus' cigarette, but settles for the oreo package instead.

"Talk to him," Ben insists, leaning over Klaus' face.

Klaus blinks and swats at him. Hissing, he straightens, crossing his legs. Five spares him a short glance. "So, Five," he says, palms balanced face-up atop his knees, an oreo sitting in each. "How do you like philosophy?"

"Oh, god," Ben says somewhere in the background.

"Engaging enough as a theoretical exercise, but ultimately not useful, not like quantum physics. Why?"

"'Cause I have a philosophy question for you."

"Don't get him started," Ben warns. Klaus ignores him.

Five eyes him. Ultimately, his curiosity wins out over his distaste for listening to his siblings speak. "Shoot."

"If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Ben groans again. Five gives him a vaguely unimpressed look.

"What, it's a classic," Klaus defends. He snatches a cookie from Five.

"Classic doesn't always mean good, or even thought-provoking," Five says. "Of course it makes a sound. I'm not a child, I have object permanence, I can understand that things exist and have an impact outside of my perception. Fallen trees make sounds regardless if anyone is there to witness it. The sun still shines when we're asleep."

"Hmmm. Does it, though?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, I mean, if we're talking about perception..." Klaus chews on his bottom lip. "Everyone sees shit differently, right? Like your red is different than my red is different from Diego's red." Five nods cautiously. "So, really, reality is different for everyone."

"No," Five says, frowning. "Reality is the same. It's objective, a constant; it just varies from person to person due to it being perceived through seven billion different lenses."

"I'd raise you that reality and existence are _subjective_."

"What do you mean?"

"When you boil everything down, it's all up for debate. If I looked up and said the sky was orange, who are you to tell me my reality is wrong?"

"That's just semantics, different words for the same thing."

"So connotations mean nothing?"

"You're—" Five cuts himself off, grumbling. He waves a half-eaten oreo vaguely in Klaus' direction. "Connotations mean nothing in that specific scenario. The sky is blue, regardless of one person deciding it's not."

Klaus taps his chin. "The sky's not really blue though. Or orange. Or any color. We just all saw it that way and decided to label it like that. Hold on, hold on—Okay. Humor me. Ignoring all other aspects and variables, what if you grew up in a cave. Pitch black, complete darkness. Would you have any concept of what the ocean is?"

"Well, no. You would have a limited world to explore. Are you going somewhere with this?"

"Yes, I said _humor me_."

Five rolls his eyes.

"So you live in a cave. You've never seen the ocean, never heard of it before, you have no idea what it is. The ocean doesn't exist."

"The ocean exists, Klaus, you just haven't been given the opportunity to see it."

"It doesn't exist for you, though. It's not part of your existence in the slightest. So... the ocean, to you, is nonexistent."

"But reality isn't dependent on the individual, you imbecile."

"Who says?" Klaus counters. "You? Well, I don't see it that way. Reality is different for me than you. You've lived a whole lifetime in a place that don't even exist anymore. No one's personal life can be experienced in the exact same way by other people. We're all alone in our heads, _mi hermano,_ and our realities are un-t _ouch_ -able."

Five turns his head and stares at Klaus, taken aback.

"So if a tree falls in a forest, and no one in the entire world is around to hear it or see it or perceive it, technically it doesn't make a sound, because it doesn't _exist_ to anyone."

Satisfied with himself, Klaus unfolds his legs and lays back down. Five is silent, gazing blankly at the sky. Klaus takes the oreos back.

"What," Ben says. "Klaus, holy shit."

"I think about stuff sometimes and they turn into rabbit holes, sue me. Plus, marijuana is lovely for a deep thinking session." Klaus peers over at Five, stuffing a cookie in his mouth. "You good?"

"What the fuck," Five mutters, sitting up. "No, shut up, what the _fuck_. You're not... The laws of time and space don't... That's not..." He presses his hands to his face and trails off into unintelligible mumbles, brows furrowed in concentration.

"You broke him," Ben says, mouth hanging open. "You gave the genius of the family an existential crisis, Klaus."

"Not intentionally!" Klaus cries.

Five vanishes in a pop of blue light.

"Nice going," Ben says. "You drove him off."

"You told me to talk to him!"

"I didn't say to engage in a philosophical debate with him!"

 _Pop!_ Klaus shrieks and flails backwards as Five reappears, now clutching a brand new pack of chalk. He tears open the packaging, takes out one piece, and starts scribbling on the roof under their feet.

"You are not right about this," Five says sharply to Klaus, briefly pointing his chalk at him. "And I'll prove it."

"Well," Ben says, as Five starts painstakingly mapping out a diagram of a tree, "at least he's not moping anymore."

Klaus folds his arms behind his head, settling in to get comfortable. He has a sneaking suspicion that they may be here for a while. Five's chalk on concrete _scratch scratch scratches_ in a soothing, familiar rhythm. Ben shakes his head, but he's smiling fondly.

After all, Klaus muses, taking another bite of his cookie, there are much worse ways to spend a Friday night.

**Author's Note:**

> just a fun little exercise :) hope u enjoyed <3


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